Red(Neck) State Rethuglican Chickenhawks Volunteer to Shed the Blood of Others – Let's Have Them Lead The Charge
In Graham's case, it might not be entirely fair to refer to him as a “chickenhawk”, since he did actually serve in the armed forces. We see from his official U.S. Senate biography that he served on active duty in the U.S. Air Force as a Judge Advocate General (JAG) lawyer (not exactly G.I. Joe or a Top Gun fighter pilot who can claim actual combat experience) between 1982 and 1988, followed by service in the South Carolina Air National Guard in the same capacity until 1994 when he was elected to the House of Representatives. Graham's Wikipedia biography also reports that he served a brief (two-week) reserve stint in 2007 in Iraq, where he worked on “detainee and rule-of-law issues” and that he also served in Afghanistan during the August 2009 Senate recess. Both of these “deployments” make a mockery of the long (minimum of six months, maximum of indefinite and open-ended), arduous, dangerous, and unconstitutional overseas deployments of national guardsmen, who, unlike the junketing Graham who had full and open-ended authority to set his own agenda and terms of service, have no choice in whether or not they deploy or for how long. Indeed, the fact that Graham was no longer an active member of the Air Force reserve serves as sufficient proof that these “deployments” were exercises in tax-payer subsidized frivolity and hubris, political publicity stunts to provide him with cover for his role in the subversion of constitutional due process for detainees and his underhanded dealings on behalf of the military-industrial complex that no doubt contributes heavily to his campaign war chest. Now that Graham wants to spread the disaster that he and his fellow Rethuglicans started in Iraq and Afghanistan into Iran, Pakistan, and beyond, it's time to give him a chance to put his money where his mouth is.
So, Lindsey, if you want to see Amerika fire the first shot at Iran, I suggest that you resign your Senate seat, demand your way back onto active duty in the Air Force, and roger up to deploy to the CENTCOM theater of operations in advance of the first shots being fired. Better yet, demand to be given a front-line command of a combat unit that will be involved in leading the initial air strikes on Tehran or any other Iranian targets chosen by your MIC buddies. None of this REMF (rear-echelon motherfucker) stuff for you, pal. Just think: your posterity, should you not survive the first few days of hostilities, will have the warm and fuzzy feeling from knowing that, like great emperors of bygone eras, you donned your battle armor and led your troops into the battle you so desperately wanted to see fought, making the ultimate sacrifice along with them. Everyone will then know for certain that you fought for a righteous cause that you truly believed in, rather than a selfish, arrogant, imperialist adventure funded by special interest groups. Now's your chance to prove it, Lindsey.
Saxby Chambliss, on the other hand, has no such cover. Ol' Sax epitomizes the term “chickenhawk.” Like his fellow Rethuglican and Former Vice President Dick Cheney, Sax “had other priorities” when it came time to donning a blue or green uniform and answering his country's call. Sax was the lucky beneficiary of five student deferments during the Vietnam War era. Ultimately, Sax managed to convince his draft board that “an old football knee injury” while in college made him unfit for service and was given a sixth and final deferment, this time on medical grounds. Of course Sax conveniently neglects to mention any of this in his biography on his official Senate website. Go figure.
Given the unchecked and incestuous arrogance of Washington, D.C., particularly that club of elitist criminals known as the U.S. Senate, it completely stands to reason that someone with not only no military experience, but with a documented history of evading military service would be named to serve not only on the Senate Armed Services committee, but on the “Intelligence” committee as well. This goes a long way in explaining, among other things, why the events of 9/11/01 caught that element of the U.S. armed services responsible for domestic security totally off guard, even after several of the nation's intelligence agencies made it clear that an attack was imminent. In a real democracy, ol' Sax would have been tossed out of office on his ass, or at a minimum would have had some serious 'splaining to do.
But let's pretend to be generous and give ol' Sax another chance to prove himself and to put his money where his mouth is. Speaking of Sax's mouth, he apparently put his foot in it, big time, a couple of months after the 9/11 attacks by telling a group of emergency first-responders in Valdosta, Georgia that he though a great solution to America's new-found “terrism” problem, at least at the local level, would be "turning the Sheriff loose to arrest every Muslim that crosses the state line." Amazing, isn't it, how loudmouthed, belligerent rednecks who dodge the draft always love to play the role of tough guy from inside a phalanx of armed bodyguards or within a comfy Washington, D.C. office? Anyway, let's give Sax a chance to fulfill his fantasy.
We couldn't very well put Sax in a military uniform. Not only is he much too old, he very likely also couldn't shut his mouth long enough to listen to someone who would try to tell him something that will save his life and prevent others around him from getting killed too. Given his stereotypical redneck affinity for belligerent authority that hides behind a badge, I recommend that we make Sax the Sheriff of Iran after the imperial Amerikan troops have landed and the occupation has begun, much like L. Paul Bremer during the early stages of the Iraq occupation. “Sheriff of Iran” - that title sure has a nice fairytale-like ring to it, doesn't it? Imagine the fun Sax will have in arresting all of those Shi'ite Muslims that have had the audacity to cross the county line into his new fiefdom. He'd be the perfect person to fill the job: a draft-dodging coward who blusters loudly, never fights his own battles, and uses proxies to inflict pain, injury, and loss upon others (a perfect representative of the Amerikan Empire). Sax would have made the perfect small-town Georgia sheriff if he hadn't bribed his way into someone's law school five decades ago, so why not give him a job that makes the best (or worst) use of what little talent he has? Sure, it's likely that them-thar Shi'ite Muslims will shoot back at ol' Sax, probably eventually putting him in a pine box. But hey, if you have to go out, why not go out in a blaze of glory, especially as warrior in the holy war against terrism?
The General and the Sheriff – two new titles for Graham and Chambliss that match their arrogant imperial ambitions. If these two cretins wish to attack Iran, an act that will certainly result in destabilizing the entire Middle East and Southwest Asia region, causing hundreds of thousands, if not millions of deaths and sending oil prices through the stratosphere while causing the dollar's destruction, then they need to feel the full effects of their decision personally. Since they wish for the rest of us to put our economic futures and our nation's survival at risk, not to mention asking more troops to put their lives needlessly on the line, asking them to put their own lives and fortunes where their mouths are is certainly not unreasonable. So how about it, guys? Are you still going to let them call you “chickenhawks?”
(*Would anyone care to wager just how loosely Graham and Chambliss would define the term “necessary” for their purpose in this context?)