Welcome to Liberrants, a blog dedicated to editorials, discussions, and studies of all things libertarian. Don't let the title mislead you; it's merely my attempt to be creative in describing myself as a "hopeful curmudgeon" who embraces the goal of the free, peaceful, economically vibrant society envisioned by America's founding fathers. Jump in! Contribute! Enjoy!

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Location: Tucson, Arizona, United States

A critically thinking curmudgeon whose goal, in addition to creatively venting about the imperfect world in which we live, is to induce critical thinking in others. The ultimate goal is to help bring about a peaceful world in which we can all live in freedom.

Friday, March 03, 2006

Excellent Idea, Joe!

Joe Sobran says that he’s come to view the Presidency as a sitcom, mostly to avoid sinking into a feeling of total despair. I had never thought of this novel approach, but it seems to me that it’s just what the doctor ordered.

The idea of taking seriously anything emanating out of the open-air insane asylum surrounded by Interstate 495 is really not palatable or practical. It’s difficult for anyone with a job, a bank account in their own name, and title to real estate to stomach the idea of supposedly grown men and women doing things that wouldn’t make sense to even to my mentally handicapped 11-year-old neighbor. This includes such things as seriously proposing a law that would require all food manufacturers to label all of their products in a uniform manner, as if these people really think that you and I are stupid enough that this warrants federal concern, or that they have nothing more pressing to occupy their time with. Like, oh, say, the sealing of our porous southern border?

I think I’d take Joe’s idea one step further - why not bring Comedy Central to the political arena? Try this: next time your congressthing stages a “town hall meeting”, or whatever they like to call these ever-so-popular blabathons in front of their gullible constituents, get a couple of dozen of your friends together, occupy a couple of rows of seats, and, whenever your congressthing shovels out whatever BS he or she wants you to buy off on, start guffawing loudly. Heck, slap your knees, fall down on the floor, and start rolling in the aisle. I’d even ensure that someone projectile vomits or passes out from oxygen depravation.

Congressman Thornton Gasbag:

And next fiscal year, we’re going to make sure that we keep spending well beneath the limit we’ve set for ourselves. After all, folks, it’s your money!

You and Jaded Friends:

BwaaaaaHahahahah! That’s a good one, Thorny! What’s next, elimination of the National Endowment for the Arts? Yeah, slice it, baby! Haaa! Haaa! Haaa! Since it’s my money, can I just hang onto it this year?
[Air Horn or Whoopie Cushion blast here]

It’s not inconceivable that doing the above will get you thrown out of the venue at a minimum, or, knowing the vanity of the average congressthing, get you arrested (maybe that’s a good thing; imagine the negative press for Thorny). On the other hand, if you’re not motivated to waste gasoline or time to attend a community love-in with your congressthing, do the couch potato thing. The next time the Smirking Chimp goes on national television to insult the country’s intelligence, go down to the store, get a bottle of good Reunite Red (or MD 20/20, if you prefer) and empty the bottle about twenty minutes before show time. Turn the TV on, turn the volume down, and load a Chris Rock DVD into your CD or DVD changer. Make sure to time the start of Chris’s monologue for exactly the moment that the Chimp’s lips start to move. I’ve done this while stone cold sober, and my wife and I were both on the floor, tears streaming down our faces and ribs cracking. Believe me, there are few things funnier than pairing Dubya’s simpleton face with Chris’s acid humor, much of which is aimed at Shrublet himself. I can only imagine what the injection of fermented grape would add to this activity.

But if that’s not your cup of joe, then I’d suggest just keeping the tube away from MSNBC, CNN, and Faux News, not to mention C-SPAN or any of the big four networks at primetime. Also, avoid reading major newspapers or national news magazines. They’ll only depress you while assaulting you with puerile nonsense, and Heaven knows we all put up with enough of that already outside of the political realm.

Meanwhile, congressional hearings on “Portgate” are underway. If you have nothing else to do on a Friday night, turn on C-SPAN and uncork the Chiante.