Liberrants

Welcome to Liberrants, a blog dedicated to editorials, discussions, and studies of all things libertarian. Don't let the title mislead you; it's merely my attempt to be creative in describing myself as a "hopeful curmudgeon" who embraces the goal of the free, peaceful, economically vibrant society envisioned by America's founding fathers. Jump in! Contribute! Enjoy!

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Location: Tucson, Arizona, United States

A critically thinking curmudgeon whose goal, in addition to creatively venting about the imperfect world in which we live, is to induce critical thinking in others. The ultimate goal is to help bring about a peaceful world in which we can all live in freedom.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Fun Things To Do On Thanksgiving Day

A little "holiday humor" to go with your feast:

  1. Announce that you would like to start a new family tradition, and proceed to take off your clothes at the dinner table.

  2. Open the oven, shove hunks of Velveeta cheese and Spam into the turkey while it cooks. Tell mom/grandma/your wife that it adds the coolest flavor.

  3. Whenever someone at the table says a word beginning with the letter R, make a loud "BUZZ"ing noise.

  4. Bring along old recorded football games, pop them in the VCR when Dad's not looking.

  5. Suck your cranberry sauce loudly through a straw.

  6. After soaking a napkin in some turkey gravy, simulate blowing your nose, letting the gravy drip onto your food. Start eating ravenously.

  7. Hold your nose while you eat. Make soft gagging noises after every second or third forkful.

  8. Recite the tragic and abusive conditions known to exist at turkey farms. Emphasize the negative health and sanitation aspects of the story.

  9. Mid-meal turn to mom/grandma/your wife and say, "See, I told you they wouldn't notice. You were worried for nothing."

  10. Load your plate up high, then take it to the kitchen, toss it all in the blender, and take your "shake" back to the table. Announce that you've got a new fear of choking.

  11. When you arrive, promise that your date won't be more than an hour late, he/she just has to wait for the warden to get together all the necessary release forms, and then they are free go.

  12. Come to the table dressed in a toga.

  13. Midway though the meal, excuse your self from the table. Go into the next room and make loud gagging, vomiting sounds. Return to the table and ask for another plateful of food.

  14. Observe aloud how much the stuffing and gravy resemble the contents of Uncle Ed’s colostomy bag.

  15. When giving the “Thanksgiving blessing”, be sure to express how thankful you are that you only have to eat at the same table with your in-laws once or twice every year.

  16. Turn the topic of conversation toward recognition of the early symptoms of food poisoning. Demonstrate these symptoms, just for safety’s sake.

  17. Insist on having paper bags wrapped around the wine bottles at the table.

  18. Bring the turkey from the kitchen to the table dressed only in a jock strap.

  19. Before everyone begins eating, announce loudly that both turkey legs are yours. Place a loaded revolver on the table in front of your plate to show that you're serious.

  20. Call the local Salvation Army mission to ask if the residents are enjoying the rice noodles, spam, sauerkraut and fruitcake that you donated for their dinner.

  21. Start a food fight at the table.

  22. Present your guests with an itemized bill for the food, making sure to add a 15 percent gratuity.

  23. Engage your brother-in-law in a belching contest before dessert. Ask someone else at the table to judge volume, tone, duration and “viscosity.”

  24. Drink copious quantities of wine, washing each spoonful of food down with at least half a glass. At the same time, sip out of your water glass sparingly, ensuring that it’s never more than half full.

    And finally, the number one way to have fun on Thanksgiving Day:

  25. Call the local Salvation Army mission and tell them that you’ve prepared a massive feast that you and your family can’t possibly eat by yourselves. Tell them you can feed at least twenty-five hungry and homeless people if the Salvation Army can bring them to you. Give them directions to your obnoxious next-door neighbor’s house.


Who says Liberranter doesn't have sense of humor?

HAVE A HAPPY AND SAFE HOLIDAY!

11 Comments:

Blogger Cathy | Mommy Motivation said...

HIS.TER.I.CAL

THanks for posting!

10:26 AM, November 26, 2008  
Blogger Liza's Eyeview said...

Thanks for the laugh! Happy Thanksgiving :)

10:28 AM, November 26, 2008  
Blogger Suzie said...

I got in trouble cause I was laughing so hard while reading your post while I was supposed to be working. THANKS A LOT!

10:41 AM, November 26, 2008  
Blogger nikki/WhiMSy love said...

Totally funny! Happy Thanksgiving!

11:35 AM, November 26, 2008  
Blogger Domestic Accident said...

Best list evah.

11:36 AM, November 26, 2008  
Blogger MeadowLark said...

Classic. I needed a humor break. Thanks.

12:59 PM, November 26, 2008  
Blogger I am Boymom said...

Just found you, love the blog and thanks for the Thanksgiving humor!!

1:22 PM, November 26, 2008  
Blogger Joy said...

Read these aloud to hubby and he just may do one or two........ he's the clown of the family (but in a nice, conservative way considering her's a pastor!). VERY FUNNY!!!

12:16 AM, November 27, 2008  
Blogger Nai said...

LoL..i like this list! :) super!

1:25 AM, November 27, 2008  
Blogger Amy said...

Thanks for the laugh!

11:20 AM, November 27, 2008  
Blogger Suzanne said...

I stumbled on this today! SOooo funny! Thanks for sharing! Happy Thanksiving

8:54 PM, November 27, 2008  

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